By Michael West
Let me start by stating that there’s nothing new or scandalous about the storm troubling the marriage of gentleman and African Queen crooner, Innocent Idibia aka Tuface and his wife, Annie. Let those who want to feast on the noise realise that disagreement in matrimony is normal. Several homes are undergoing crisis on daily basis for different reasons. While many are able to survive and move on together, some unlucky ones end up in separation or divorce. Either way, none is suicidal or irredeemable. But that the face-off between Tuface and Annie to turn violent as reported on Wednesday is unfortunate.
A forthright ago, the news spread like wild fire that Anita, Paul Okoye’s estranged wife, has sued for divorce. Paul is the twin brother and the pair of Peter of disbanded hit making P-Square band. Apparently culminating a simmering animosity in the marriage, Anita decided to end it once and for all ostensibly to be free from the union that has held her captive.
I’m not aware of any intervention from their families before the issue festered to that level. Perhaps the warring couple didn’t see the need to explore available avenues to save their marriage by seeking help from counsellors, emotional intelligence coaches and their Pastors, if any. Failed relationship or aborted wedding is a lot better than a broken marriage. Separation is a groaning and devastating experience that could break the feeble minded partners. Divorce is traumatising especially where the burden will be tilted against the innocent in the case. Anita and Paul seemed to have allowed their issue to snowball into a mess become it’s poorly managed.
Some of the issues raised by Anita are not strange as they are common in many homes. In this age where patience, perseverance and tolerance in marriage are no longer virtues that couples consider important, homes are put asunder at the slightest provocation or when a spouse wakes up from the wrong side of his/her bed. Brain wave, mood swing and flimsy reasons have become grounds for divorce these days. Anita, according to media reports, did request for the dissolution of her marriage on five grounds. These include: lack of mutual conjugal relationship (sex), lack of communication, irreconcilable differences, lack of support and care for her and her family members, and that the marriage has broken down irretrievably because of lack of love and compatibility. Meanwhile, Paul is yet to respond to the application which was filed in an Abuja High Court.
That celebrities are having their own fair share of failed marriages does not indicate that they are poor home managers. The holy book says the race is not to the swift (Eccl 9: 11) and that except the Lord builds the house, labourers are merely labouring in vain. (Psalm 127: 1). Worse scenarios than those of celebrities’ are happening in several homes across the land. Loudly broadcasting their marital failure or scandals are the prices they pay for stardom.
It is in this same breath that Tuface, hitherto a gentleman and one of the globally acclaimed music stars from this shore, is now being enmeshed in a family crisis. As at now, he’s yet to speak on the matter, but what is available in the public domain is Anita’s word against Tuface’s brother’s, Charlybrave. Apparently hurt by the ‘undeserved’ attention Tuface was giving to the mothers of his children otherwise known as Baby Mamas, Annie is enraged and turned violent during altercations with her husband who is reported to have hurriedly left the home for the United States to cool off. It was reported that Tuface sustains injury in the melee.
Annie expressed despair about how insatiable his in-laws who, despite all she claimed she did for them, yet, didn’t love her. She went on to complain that her man, Tuface, has been indulging in suspected extramarital affairs with his Baby Mamas under the guise of discussing about the welfare and education of their children. She further accused her husband of sleeping outside the home with one of his his Baby Mamas.
In a direct response to Annie’s tirade, Tuface’s younger brother, Charlybrave, disrobed Annie of a tolerant, accommodating and Queen-like character that people take her to be. Annie’s public image was accentuated by the glowing tribute paid by Tuface while telling the world that he chose to marry Annie for standing by her through thick and thin when he was nobody because she believed in him and sacrificed so much for him.
Charlybrave made it clear that Annie is reigning in Tuface’s life unchallenged. He claimed that family members stayed away from Tuface’s home just to allow her enjoy her space. He stated that she’s fond of humiliating her husband even in the public; adding that she’s high-handed in dealing with people in the family. He further alleged that Annie was “quick to shout and mention 7 kids and your husband being sucked dry, but you filled your household with 4 maids, 2 P.As, a live-in mum, a live-in cousin, and a brother at the annex, all to take care of your 2 daughters.”
I’m aghast at the violent dimension the issue assumed in so short a time. It is uncalled for. Has violence ever resolved issues that dialogue, tolerance and forgiveness should settle? What do Annie and Tuface stand to gain in making mess of the situation? I think Annie needs to calm down. She knows that her man is a philanderer before agreeing to marry him. Since she has chosen to live with him with all his baggage, she should accept her cross and fight for her home silently, tactically and in wisdom. She has an enviable image of a dependable and supportive wife. The Bible says “A wise woman builds her own house (Proverbs 14:1a). This is not to say she should not be firm against intrusion and misdemeanours of her man.
Our ‘top striker’ Tu-Baba’s handling of his home affair in relation to his Baby Mamas seems to be suggestive and curious of double dealing. Ideally, he should be responsible for the upkeep, welfare and education of his other children but indulging in sneaky arrangements with any of his Baby Mamas will naturally provoke anger, protest and suspicion from his wife. Annie should be saluted for coping thus far in this sorosoke generation that doesn’t entertain nonsense in their love life.
Tuface should mend fences with his African Queen using her love language. Annie, too, should embrace peace and let go of rage and needless acrimony so that her home will be restored and live in harmony with her in-laws, family and friends. A little is enough for the wise.
BBNaija: Tega’s Show of Shame
I’m not surprised at the emotional trauma and ignominy trailing the disgraceful and immoral behaviour of Tega, an evicted housemate who went into the reality show as a married woman but displayed absolute reckless erotic scenes with a male housemate.
She knew that whatever is done in the house is roundly captured by cameras and the scenes are viewed by the outside world. Her case is demeaning because she’s married. Do I blame Tega alone for her misdemeanour? No! Her husband is equally culpable. He’s an accomplice in the ‘crime’ for giving her the latitude to engage in such a misadventure. Men should be firm in words and in deeds. He should never have allowed her in the first place. BBNaija is not a commendable game married women should engage in. That he’s lamenting and feeling let down is the consequence of his compromise. I appreciate his decision to take his wife back despite her uncomely behaviour in the house.
I’m particularly impressed that he said his wife, Tega, has been a “God fearing” and a good woman all the while. He’s still to come to terms with the awful scenes he saw on live television. For Tega, shedding crocodile tears won’t hoodwink anybody because her husband has revealed that she already told him that “I will do ANYTHING in the house” to win the price. So, she did whatever she did willfully but, unfortunately, her journey was cut short through eviction despite doing the unthinkable. If care is not taken, BBNaija will break her home and break many more great relationships thereby truncating many destinies and destroying purposes. I insist, Big Brother show should be banned as it adds little or no value to moral and economic life of our youths who are the bulk of its viewers and fans.
Today is my birthday. Thanks for staying faithful to this column. Do enjoy your weekend.