Welcome to another edition of Sarah Babs Uncensored, a column that educates you on how to ignite your sex life and relationship.
Today’s hot topic is on ways to get your partner to dominate you during sex. The idea of being dominated for some women is a huge turn-on. Having your partner pin you down and ravish you is hot (little forbidden fruit, anybody?).
The issue arises when a woman wants to give her partner permission to dominate her in the bedroom without compromising who she is as a person—sometimes it can be hard to remember who we are in bed is not always who we are in life. You may have a high-paying job, be a badass boss but this doesn’t mean you are excluded from sexual domination.
However, your partner may be the sweetest, most nurturing person you know—but that doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t have a little secret Dominant under the surface. Just remember to be empathetic to possible nerves. It’s a scary thing to explore the taboo.
Below are ways to get your partner to dominate you during sex…
Have a light conversation outside of the bedroom
If you want your partner to get into some domination, don’t expect him or her to be into choking you out sporadically during sex. These types of fantasies need to be talked about beforehand, outside of the bedroom.
Obviously, this can get a little awkward, but if you’re in a trusting and healthy relationship, there’s no reason why you can’t have these types of discussion. Allow your partner to voice his or her concerns, especially if this is an out-of-character way for them to behave, as they may be a bit apprehensive.
Tell your partner about a fantasy you’ve had. Do you simply like the idea of your partner throwing you onto the bed and spanking you?
Talk about what you’d like to try. Ask your partner for some input about his or her own fantasies. You don’t have go to a dungeon or do anything crazy—always do what makes you comfortable. It’s an avenue of sexual adventure you can explore together!
Explore some porn together
If your partner is down to explore, but you don’t really know where to begin, watch some porn together to get some ideas. Obviously, porn is not a representation of real life sex, but it can certainly act as a turn on. You can also explore a full range of erotica and pornographic books together. Because anything you use to get the steam rising is a good start.
Talk about your fantasies, get some inspiration, and enjoy yourselves. Sometimes all it takes is permission from someone, whether it be you or the porn you’re watching, to unlock someone’s inner Dominant.
Start slowly and use simple gear
Remember, even if your partner is super into this idea, he or she may not be great right off the bat. Likewise, you may not know how you feel about this type of play once you take it from inside your head out into real life.
Go slowly. Start with your partner pinning your hands above your head. Perhaps you can utilize a tie to create handcuffs or a sleep mask to act as a blindfold. As you feel more comfortable, you’ll feel more at ease with pushing the boundaries.
Always remember to check in and see how both you and your partner are feeling before, during, and after sex.
Boost your partner’s ego
One thing that will really get your partner going and into this new, dominant role is by boosting his or her ego. Make it a point to tell him or her how hot it is when he or she chokes you, spanks you, or pins you down.
This too can feel a bit awkward, but if you want to live out this sexy fantasy, you’ve got to be willing to get your partner into the right headspace.
Ask your partner to say the things you need to hear as well. If you want him or her to call you a dirty slut, ask for it! There is nothing wrong with sexual degradation between two consenting adults (as long as it’s something you want).
Your sexual adventure should be fun and exciting, this is because exploration is what keeps things sexy and i am certain you don’t like boring.