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By OZIOMA ONYENWEAKU
By their nature It is not easy for a child to walk up to the parents and say I am being sexually abused by so so and so person.
Even children who are naturally bold and would want to muster up courage to speak out about the abuse would have been silenced by the sexual abuser who would have warned her to keep quiet or she would die or her parents would be killed.
So the child gives out non-verbal signs and clues about the abuse.
➢ Have you ever, as a mother, walked into your girl’s room and she startles, and on turning and discovering it is you, then heaving a sigh of relief says ’oh mom, it is you’? ➢ Has that girl child who likes sleeping in light clothes suddenly would not go to bed except she clothes up herself with shorts and trousers with long sleeve tops no matter how hot the weather is? ➢ Has that lively girl suddenly withdrawn into herself, and appearing not to trust anybody’s company or presence? ➢ Has the child that liked her lesson teacher and was always looking forward to the lesson suddenly started frowning and almost near tears once lesson time is approaching? ➢ Has the talkative suddenly stopped talking, looking gloomy and withdrawn? ➢ Has the once happy child who was on top of her class suddenly started dropping academically? ➢ Has she suddenly started avoiding that uncle, family friend or relation she was fond of? ➢ She was once spiritually minded and fond of Sunday school or choir practice but has suddenly started detesting all these? ➢ She had been a very reserved and respectful child but all of a sudden has she become aggressive, disrespectful, and easily provoked? ➢ That house help of yours that never looked you in the eye has she suddenly started challenging you and becoming disobedient ( to you, she is ‘growing wings’ because she has started seeing a man OUTSIDE, a boyfriend)? ➢ It has been years she stopped bedwetting, has she all of a sudden started bed-wetting? The list is not exhaustive. Child sexual abuse is one area that I crave zero tolerance.
I am going to devote ample time for it in this space. Every report of child sexual abuse tends to send a dagger to my heart. One painful aspect of it is that a lot of children are going through it but cannot speak out for fear of harm or death as promised them by their abusers. If you have noticed some of the above signs on your child or children, please be concerned. One woman I attended to her case some time ago, noticed the 1st and 2nd signs, as I put out above, in her girl child. She was worried. She was terribly disturbed. She had earlier noticed that the girl would clothe herself all up when going to bed, which the girl was not doing before. She tried finding out why, but the girl said it was nothing.
But the woman kept observing. When, on entering the girl’s room unannounced, and the girl got startled and said, “ oh mom it is you” and then seemed relaxed, she asked the girl: “Who would it have been and you would be worried?” It took a lot of loving persuasion before the girl said, “Daddy”. “Your daddy? Why?” “Of recent daddy has been touching my bum while calling me ‘fine girl; the other time he touched my breasts and said they were growing fast. Each time he walked into my room (which he does without knocking and at times when I just came out from the bathroom) I get startled. At times he would sneak into my room at night to touch my bum and breasts; that’s why I started wearing trousers to bed”.
Heartbreaking revelation, isn’t it? The mother promised her she was going to protect her and she did. If this girl’s mother was not observant of the change in attitude, and anxiety of this girl, and took action immediately, the girl would have been violated, violated by her own father! You know what? The girl would not have forgiven her mother. Why her mother? Next article … Keep a date. Keep maintaining social distancing. Stay safe.
OZIOMA ONYENWEAKU [email protected]