When I was between ages 14 and 22, the paramount wish of my peers and I was to finish secondary school, pass WAEC and JAMB exams and get into the university. Those who were not interested in higher education went to do apprenticeship and learn skills to enable them prepare for the future. Our ultimate goal was to become successful in life, but the kind of desperation I see now among people in this age group was not there.
Times have changed. These days, you read stories of a 15-year-old boy who killed his own mother and had sex with the corpse for money ritual. A 14-year-old boy, together with his three friends, approached a supposed Islamic cleric for ritual to make them rich. Unknown to him, he was going to be the sacrificial lamb. His “friends” colluded with the “alfa,” beheaded and burnt the head for ritual purpose. We also have some cases of boys who invited their girlfriends and killed them for money ritual. There are many cases of teenagers being involved in killings for ritual purposes.
The purpose of today’s article is to tell these teenagers that they are just wasting people’s lives and spilling innocent blood for nothing. Please refrain because you will be caught. Do you know how difficult it is to dispose of a dead body? Long ago my dog died. I remember how difficult it was to dispose of the carcass, so I can imagine the magnitude of disposing a corpse. There is no perfect crime. You will be caught if not immediately, then in the future. Do not gamble with your future.
In Nigeria, successive governments have performed below the expectations of Nigerians, so we are accustomed to blaming government for everything that goes wrong in the society, but I would rather we probed more. We are talking of teenagers. In Nigeria, most children live with their parents until their 20s minimum before moving to their own homes. If not for kindergarten, many children start school at five or six years. So, the exposure to the outside world is limited at an early age.
I will keep going back to it even if I sound like a broken record. Every human being is a combination of nature and nurture: “Nature refers to innate biological factors, such as genetics, while nurture refers to external factors such as upbringing, life experiences, and learning.” Nature is powerful. I have observed people for about 50 years and I say that categorically. There is very little you can do about certain behavioural patterns, especially if it is not sinful, criminal or bad behaviour. My wife kept teasing me about a certain behavioural pattern. One day, I ran out of patience told her, “When we go home again observe mama (my mother). Don’t bring up this matter again. I inherited it from her.” That is the power of nature.
Much of what parents have control over is nurture. In those days, our mothers would simply give instructions not go anywhere, leave the compound, receive any visitor, etc. They were all parts of efforts to shut out negative external influences. Not anymore. With the media and internet, external influence defied physical barriers. They invaded our homes and made the job of parenting tougher. But we can’t give excuses. Successful parenting is now not just a task, but a battle that must be won. The alternative is disaster, so there is no alternative.
The first 10 years of a child’s life are the most important as far as nurture is concerned. If you get it right, it makes parenting easier subsequently. A parent is like a soldier on the battle front. You can’t let down your guards. Vigilance remains paramount all through the years.
As a result of the aforementioned parents whose teenage children get involved in ritual and other heinous crimes should get a chunk of the blame. Why are we blaming government or the society? Is the government supposed to come to your house to parent your teenage children?
Parents should be friends with their children to have an idea of what goes on in their lives without forgetting their parental duties. Your grown-up children might not like it, but insist that before leaving the house, they should let you know who they are visiting, address and phone number. Some parents do same because Nigeria has security challenges and even adults are disappearing. Leading by example is good, although it is difficult for some parents. Any child who cannot comply with house rules is indirectly saying I am old enough to live in on my own. You cannot be under your parents’ roof, eat their food, and not comply with the rules of the house.
The next puzzle is why teenage children want to get rich quickly. They have no idea of wealth creation, sustenance and protection, yet they want to be rich. That is part of the malaise afflicting Nigeria currently. Too many people want to be rich without going through the rigours and the children actually see and know people who became rich, but they cannot point to the source of income.
The other major problem is the collapse of family values. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) made a statement recently: “We had to do an analysis to diagnose the cause of yahoo-yahoo (internet fraudsters). Statistics showed that 61 percent of their parents were aware; 64 percent were still staying with their parents; 62 percent were sponsoring their parents. So, who do we hold?”
EFCC is asking who do you hold. Each person should answer. I learnt that parents now buy phones and laptops for their children and take them to Yahoo-Yahoo kingpins to teach their children how to defraud. It is the negative version of the globally acclaimed apprenticeship system of the Igbos that has made them to dominate in trade not only in Nigeria but West Africa, Central Africa and beyond.
The Igbo apprenticeship takes years before you “graduate,” but these parents and their children are impatient. They want quick “success.” No problem. There is something I have noticed. I am going to do a full article on it. There are some people who made provisions for their retirement and old age, but the current inflation and unfavourable economic situation have torn their retirement plans to pieces. Others have been bankrupted by their health conditions. Their saving grace are their children. Instead of preparing your children for marathon that life is, you are preparing them for sprint. I can assure these parents that they will pay dearly for their shortsightedness.
The current economic situation is unbelievable. About 95 per cent of Nigerians are probably affected in varying degrees. But let’s look at it this way. You are a yam farmer and there is famine in the land. If you eat your seedlings, what will you plant when the next planting season begins?
I am not by any chance saying once you give your children good upbringing, nothing can go wrong. Nature is powerful and new situations and environment can change people. Some well raised children have derailed. All I am saying is that do your parenting right. It increases the probability of raising successful children.