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If you’ve lost that excited feeling, you’re not alone. Research shows that nearly a third of women and 15% of men lack the desire to have sex regularly. But there are things you can do to put the ‘fire’ back into your sex life. Jump-start your libido with these expert-approved lifestyle changes.
- Set your room up for romance
It’s easy to get in the routine of letting your kids crawl into bed with you after they’ve had a bad dream, or sharing cuddle time with your cat or dog. These are major mood killers, says Dr. Millheiser, who suggests keeping the kids and pets out by simply locking the bedroom door at night. It may take some time to break these habits, but making the bed sexy again will make you more relaxed and ready for romance.
- De-stress before sex
A stressor is a chemical or biological agent, environmental condition, external stimulus or an event seen as causing stress.Everyday stressors—your job, your environment can have a more powerful effect on your sex life than you may realize. Being stressed causes your body to produce more of the “fight or flight” hormone cortisol, which your body needs in small doses but can suppresses the libido when the body produces an excess.
3 .Eat aphrodisiacs
An aphrodisiac is a food or drug that arouses sexual instinct, brings on desire, or increases sexual pleasure or performance.A growing body of research shows that certain vitamins and components can enhance sexual function and desire. Avocados, almonds, strawberries, and oysters are just a few foods that may set the mood.
- Listen to your body
Occasionally, slow sex drive winds up being one indication of a larger medical problem. So if along with your low libido you begin noticing weight gain, dry skin, hair loss, and fatigue, don’t ignore it—you may be unknowingly be suffering from a thyroid problem. A simple blood test will confirm a diagnosis, and it can be treated with medication. Dr. Millheiser warns that low libido is also linked to other medical disorders, including depression and chronic fatigue.
- Engage a therapist
Couples who have a strong friendship should be able to do these exercises to rebuild intimacy, says Nagoski. If you and your partner find it difficult, Nagoski recommends seeing a therapist who can help.
“My first recommendation is always to find a sex therapist,” Nagoski says, “because we are all so tender and sensitive around sexuality, and it can be difficult to talk with each other about it in a way that is never blaming and never hurtful.”