[Devotional] IN HIS PRESENCE: Dealing with sexual issues in marriage

Read: Proverbs 5:1-23

Meditation verse:

“The husband should fulfil his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfil her husband’s needs” (1 Corinthians 7:3, NLT).

Sex was created by God as an expression of love between a husband and a wife: to provide physical, emotional as well as spiritual bonding. “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Your sexual experience in marriage enhances your wellbeing. Sex is also a key cause of marital strife. Since God created sex, He knows how destructive it can be if used in the wrong context, hence He set very specific boundaries for it. It must be within a marriage. “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that commits fornication sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Today’s bible reading is an allegory of faithfulness in marriage. Couples are enjoined to drink water from their own cistern and never allow their springs to overflow unto the streets. Sex is likened to a spring or river, which if contained within the banks (marriage) will lead to enjoyment and satisfaction. If the spring exceeds the banks and spills unto the streets, great devastation can occur. Keep your marriage bed pure and stay faithful to your spouse. God’s purpose for marriage is for a husband and wife to always enjoy a sexually fulfilling relationship regardless of how long they have been married.

Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life in a marriage requires a conscious effort on the part of both parties. According to Psychologist and marriage counsellor, Dr Richard Nicastro, sex is not always simple and straightforward. A whole range of factors can negate the experience of sexual fulfilment in a marriage. An underlying physical or medical condition, or the side effects of prescription drugs can impact a man’s libido or lead to loss of erectile function. The demands of child rearing, juggling work and housekeeping can wear a woman down and cause sex to drop to the bottom of her list, leaving her husband sexually unsatisfied. Emotional issues such as unresolved anger and resentment can result in a total loss of sexual desire.

A negative self-image can also diminish sexual fulfilment in marriage. Some women pile on excess weight after having children and complain that their spouses no longer find them sexually appealing. Others begin to feel self conscious about their bodies. With all these factors, many couples find themselves struggling to keep the sexual passion and desire alive in their relationships. Research on long term relationships and sex show that as many as 15% of married couples have not had sex in the last six months to a year. Married couples in a sexless marriage are more likely to consider divorce than couples who argue constantly but remain sexually active. Sex is not just important for its sake, it is important for the marriage relationship, as it can make or break it.

If you and your spouse are struggling with dwindling sexual desires or a loss of sexual activity, if your sex life is currently boring, unsatisfactory, or devoid of passion, you need to know that this is not God’s desire for you. Faithfulness in marriage need not be boring, dull, or lifeless. The first and most important step in dealing with this is to acknowledge that a problem does exist. Communication is important. You and your spouse need to come together in an atmosphere of honesty and love to uncover and deal with the underlying factor(s). Seek professional help if you need to.

IN HIS PRESENCE is written by Pst (Mrs) Oke Chinye, Founder of The Rock Teaching Ministry (TRTM).

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