Francis Ewherido
As a cub reporter with The Punch Newspapers in 1987, I interviewed the first indigenous female professor of a university.
I asked her how she felt about the feat. She said she felt “fulfilled and vindicated.” Apparently, she felt the professorship should have come much earlier.
I was uncomfortable with the word, “vindicated,” but I quoted her anyway. Later when I saw her, she complained that “vindicated” came too early in the story.
In fact, she would have preferred it left out all together. Then I gave her an advice: “Ma, if you are talking to a journalist, assume you are talking to the whole world. Anything you would not say to the whole world, don’t tell a journalist.” “Is that so?” She retorted. “Yes ma,” I responded. I left her feeling giddy that a small boy like me had given a professor a lecture.
Thirty years later, I still believe what I told the professor and feel it should apply to everybody in all situations and dealings, unless you are talking off camera.
But you do not talk off camera to just everybody; you talk off camera to only those you can reasonably trust. Why am I bringing back events of 30 years ago? The issue is reasonable trust.
Last week, I read a story of a sexagenarian who reported a young man she was romantically linked with to the police for blackmail. I have my reservations about older women being sexually involved with much younger men. (Please see http://www.vanguardngr.com/2014/09/cougars-toy-boys/).
Incidentally, there is something about rumbling in the loins that make people thoroughly foolish and throw caution to the winds to blow it away to far places. It seems there is no limit to the senselessness and carelessness of man (woman) once the loins start rumbling.
I will always acknowledge the individual freedom in the free world that we live in. There is nothing legally stopping an 80-year-old woman, for instance, from being romantically linked with a 20-year-old man.
It will never make sense to some of us, but that is inconsequential; it is a free world. Some older women have tasted blood and they have no intention of going back to some supplement-assisted and sexually-erratic contemporaries for sexual satisfaction that might not come anyway, Viagra or no Viagra.
Some of the women involved in these relationships are very discreet because of their children, their positions or the society, but some do not give a damn. But even if you decide to flaunt such relationships, must you allow some small boys to take photos of your aging and flabby bodies knowing these photos can be shared? Every now and then, some of these photos trend in the social media.
When people swim in shark-infested waters, they exercise utmost caution. For many older people, the social media are shark-infested waters. Very few old people are social media savvy. So why would an old woman agree to exchange nude photos with one small boy on social media? Why would an old woman start an intimate relationship with a toy boy via social media?
The media have been awash with stories of love affairs that turned tragic for the women both in Nigeria and in foreign lands. One of the most celebrated was Cynthia Osokogu, who was lured from her base by social media friends and murdered in a hotel in Lagos. The culprits were recently sentenced to death. Some consolation, but the family has lost a beautiful daughter with enormous potentials.
As parents, we should not fall victims, but advice our children to be very cautious of people they meet via social media. Many of the cases of paedophilia and child pornography are perpetrated by adults who disguise their profile as teenagers on social media to lure vulnerable and naïve young people into sex and sexual perversions. We must also advice our children not to pose nude or allow anybody to take their nude photos under any guise.
One of the current trends abroad is couples (married and unmarried) making sex videos. Many people are copying them purposelessly. Why do you need to do a sex video? American celebrities, who do it, use it to gain notoriety and attract followership, which ultimately leads to more money in their pockets. If you do it here and the video or pictures get out, disaster is what you will reap.
We have witnessed marriage plans and relationships crash over leaked sex videos and photos by previous lovers. We need to get our priorities right and be purpose-driven.
As much as possible, we should avoid situations that can make us objects of blackmail. Older-women/much-younger-men relationships are fertile grounds for blackmail because the young men feel they have nothing to lose, while their rich and famous sugar mummies have everything to lose.
Today, many women and housewives are being blackmailed by their younger lovers. Some part with huge sums of money regularly. Here, I commend the subject of today’s discuss. Immediately her young lover started making funny demands, she reported the case to the police and put an end to the nonsense.
Blackmailers are like hyenas. Once they sink their teeth into you, they do not let go until there is fatality. So it is like a case of the tsetse fly that perched on the scrotum. If you leave it there, it will suck your blood and infect you. So, painful as it is, you strike it dead.
The outcome might initially be unpleasant for you, but you will at least get back your freedom and your life. The resultant backlash will also go away or diminish with time.
The story was told of a prominent man in a town who desired a “Miss” (that was what unmarried female teachers were called in those days). She rebuffed his advances, until she unfortunately died prematurely. The prominent man then sneaked into the place where the body was kept, preparatory for burial, and had sex with the corpse.
Unfortunately for him, a drunk caught him in the act. Subsequently, the drunk started blackmailing him. He shut the prominent man up in public gatherings and made life very miserable for him. When his children could no longer bear the humiliation, they forced him to tell them what transpired and he did.
At the next town meeting, this prominent man was addressing the gathering when this drunk told him to shut up and sit down. The prominent man then thundered: “you drunk, you nonentity; do you know whom you are talking to? I am the man who made love to a corpse (he concluded pounding his chest).”
Need I tell you that the blackmail ended that day? What is public knowledge cannot be used to blackmail you. Damn the consequences, if possible, and expose blackmailers and possibly send them to jail where they belong.