Friday, November 16, 2018, was International Day for Tolerance. But for Prof. Pat Utomi, the day would have slipped by me, just as it did many others, like a ship in the night or a toaster (a man wooing a lady) winking at a lady in the dark: unnoticed. Prof. Utomi brought the day to our consciousness in the Jacksonites’ WhatsApp Platform (a forum of graduates of Mass Communication from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka).
International Day for Tolerance is something that should be promoted and celebrated in Nigeria. The print, electronic and social media should all have had it in their front burner. People talk a lot about other social problems in Nigeria, but the intolerance I see around scares me. It is there in families, churches, in offices, on the road, in market places, at bus stops; just about everywhere you have people, especially if they are from diverse ethnicity or different religions
The dictionary defines the verb, to tolerate, of which tolerance is the noun, thus: “To refrain from interfering with or prohibiting (something undesirable or outside one’s own practice or beliefs); allow or permit.”
Tolerance is therefore “the ability or willingness to tolerate the existence of opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with.” This ability is terribly in short supply in many marriages, families and all aspects of our national life and it is therefore very shocking that we are not even aware of such an important day as the International Day for Tolerance, meant to draw our attention to the dangers of intolerance.
There are many reasons why marriages go sour: insincerity, deceit, differing expectations, unforgiveness, interference, infidelity, spouses growing apart, money matters, lack of planning, etc., but underlying some of these reasons is intolerance. For every marriage that broke up due to some of the reasons highlighted above, there is another marriage that had the same issue and survived due of tolerance. Spouses hold different opinions and still live happily as long as there is tolerance; spouses belong to different religions and denomination as long as there is tolerance (plus prior agreement and understanding), spouses eschew interference where there is tolerance. Where there is tolerance, spouses scarcely grow apart. Money is never enough in many homes, but some spouses overcome whatever challenges that come their way with tolerance (and understanding).
Beyond spouses, you need a lot of tolerance within the family. Unless you instill in your children, the spirit of tolerance, the family will fall apart. Children come with different characters. Sometimes parents wonder whether the children are actually theirs when they exhibit certain strange character traits. Shockingly, some of those character traits are innate; they were not acquired via nurture. We all know about recessive genes. It is not only in physical features they manifest; they also manifest in character traits. Some of the strange character traits you notice in your children were either inherited from you or your spouse. They are your dark sides or your spouse’s, which your good character traits have suppressed, dominated or obliterated over time. Anyway, you need tolerance to be a good parent. Parenting at every stage, especially in the first 20 years of your children’s lives, need a huge dose of tolerance.
But we seem to have failed in instilling tolerance in our various homes and this has spilled over to the outer society. I will give you a few examples. An average American or European, arriving Nigeria for the first time, cannot drive on our roads (with the aid of a google map), as many of us do when we travel to their countries. What we call driving in Nigeria is actually MADNESS. Driving in Nigeria typifies the Hobbesian state of nature. No rules, no orderliness, just kick the vehicle and fly away as if other road users do not exist. It is a cocktail of intolerance, indiscipline, ignorance, selfishness, lawlessness and wickedness of the highest order.
I spent cumulatively two months in two Indian cities, Mumbai and Chennai, during three trips. If you think our driving is crazy, go to India. Our tricycle (keke Marwa) drivers are amateurs where Indian auto (that is what they call tricycles in India and they are the manufacturers) drivers are. Your heart literally takes residence in your mouth while on India inner city roads. The driving is reckless, chaotic and hair-raising. But for their lighter skins (though some of them are darker than us) and hair, you will think you are in Nigeria. They are just as, if not even more, impatient, but something is remarkably different: they are very tolerant people. In those two months, and I was on the road much of the time, I witnessed only one altercation between a woman on a motorcycle and a male driver in a small car. While the woman was ranting, the man stayed quiet. I did not witness a single fight by road users.
There is no single day, road users do not fight on Lagos roads. Even those whose vehicles are insured fight on the road over who is right and wrong when they are involved in accidents! Insurance is supposed to give the insured person peace of mind, but here, the motor insurance certificate is just a piece of paper to get irritant police officers off your back. Ignorance is a tragedy!
Election campaigns officially kicked off last Sunday, but even before then, so much intolerance had already manifested. The person occupying Aso Rock is no longer Muhammadu Buhari, but one Jubril El from Sudan. The person who came back from Dubai about two weeks ago is not Atiku Abubaker, but a body double. The person occupying the senate presidency is not Bukola Saraki, but a look alike. It is all comedy taken too far, because it has been mixed with intolerance and ethnic and political bigotry. Someone even went as far as producing a death certificate of Buhari issued by the Nigerian Population Commission. Is that how it works? Somebody purportedly dies in London and the death certificate is issued in Nigeria?
Nigeria is at a crossroad and we have critical decisions to make moving forward. There is hunger and suffering in the land. I just heard from bakers that the demand for bread has gone down. Many Nigerians can no longer afford this stable food. President Muhammadu Buhari has given his report card and his programme to take Nigeria to the “next level.” He did last Sunday, when campaigns officially kicked off. The People’s Democratic Party candidate, Atiku Abubakar has also unveiled his programme to move Nigeria forward. Do we go for continuity or give the alternative a chance. Sticking to issues will help us make more informed decisions. For once, let us keep intolerance at bay.