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Your husband’s idea of romance might be a night of ESPN, and another husband might prefer soft music, scented candles, and, oh yeah, you, of course!
We can always use another good idea for romancing our husband, right? Below are 10 ways to make your husband stay home, enjoy the weekend with you.
Give him a blowjob at least once a week
This is not hard to do. It does not have to be the same day every week, but do it when the mood strikes you.
He would be more than happy to come home from a long day of work to a blowjob. Trust me, and any man who says he doesn’t like blowjobs either had a bad experience or is married to someone who won’t give them.
What a shame. As I said before ladies, put it in your mouth and tell me it doesn’t change your life. And, most men will agree, you need to swallow. If you don’t swallow, you need to learn how.
Spitters are quitters.
Give it up more often.
Sleeping with your husband should not be work, it should b a pleasure. I trust you have all heard, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Your mom and/or grandmother have told you this for years.
Your mother-in-law told you the same thing when you and your husband got engaged. But she wasn’t sleeping with him. Don’t listen to them. This is false. This is the “Better Homes and Gardens” version.
The real way to a man’s heart is through sex. He would be happier to have KFC and a blowjob or sex than homemade rosemary chicken with two sides and fresh baked bread and a wife too tired to give it up.
Step up your sex game
Put on some slutty clothes and tell him you have been a bad girl. Send him text messages telling him what a dirty girl you are.
Your husband should be pretty satisfied with your sex life if you put effort into it.
Quit bitching
This would go a long way to keeping your husband happy. Does it really matter which way the toilet paper is on the roll as long as it is on there? Does it really matter if he hasn’t taken the trash out today? Are your hands broken? No? Well then be sure to put the new bag in the trash can so that it doesn’t slip down when you start putting trash in it.
There is always “that wife” in the circle of friends who makes everyone uncomfortable because she is bitching all the time and just tears her husband apart over the stupidest things. Don’t be “that wife”. If you don’t know who that is, it is you. Stop now.
Stop trying to change him
He married you hoping you would never change and you married him hoping he would. You thought he had “potential” to be a great father and husband someday.
Goodness, gracious. Stop! He is who he is and all you’re doing is fostering a feeling of ill will and resentment. You may think that he is accepting it and you are making headway. But what you should be doing is accepting him and giving him head.
Let him do the things he enjoys
I know, I sound crazy right? You have been home all week while he “got” to go out and earn a living so you should be able to have him on the weekends. Or you have worked all week too and the chores don’t do themselves.
I get that you want to spend time with him. If you let him go out and enjoy his hobbies, he will appreciate that. If you let him go play a round of golf on Saturday morning, then he will come home Saturday afternoon ready and willing to hang out with you and the kids. Let him go.
Stop keeping score
Life is not a pissing contest. Who cares if you are right? Who cares how many times you have taken the trash out compared to a number of times he has helped you with the laundry? You are not going to die and have God say “Well you were right 87% of the time and you did 97% more of the chores than your husband.” Get off your ass and take the trash out.
Women are lucky that their husbands don’t have the kind of memory they do because things would get really ugly.
Stop making him do shit he doesn’t want to do
No man wants to go to a baby shower. He didn’t even want to go to the baby shower for his own kids. The person who invented the couples shower should be shot. They have really messed it up for everyone. He also doesn’t want to go to birthday parties for kids he barely knows or weddings for people he has never met.
Stop having weddings and functions during big football games too.
Be Cool
It is a very broad statement but it really encompasses all of the “intangibles” a man is really looking for in a mate. You can be tagged the “cool wife “if you go to games, go out drinking, and other fun things that are generally considered “guy stuff.”
If all else fails, sex will cure it all
When he comes in after a long, gruelling day at work, have a cold beer ready for him and tell him when the kids go to bed, you will give him a blowjob. There is nothing that giving him a little ass cannot cure.