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Lust is the spark that could either fizzle out or turn into love. Lust on its own is quick and temporary, while love comes slowly, but is more permanent and steady.
Mistaking lust for love is not a new thing. The younger you are and the earlier you find yourself in a budding relationship, the more likely you are to confuse one for the other.
But don’t worry, there’s no shame in it. With your hormones raging and your mind floating into a euphoric fantasy during the throes of romance, the line that divides the two gets pretty blurred… along with your sense of judgment.
Not sure if you’re feeling lust or love? We bring you 8 signs that it’s not your heart thinking… but your head a little more south of the border.
- There is more fire and less stability
Love — real love — is about commitment and communication. These two important components lead to stability within a relationship. Of course, fire can be part of the equation, but when there’s lots of drama, chaos, and more emotional gut blows than butterflies, you’re looking at a lustful situation.
- Every aspect of the relationship revolves around sex
When your relationship is built on lust, your primary motivation for sticking with that person is to have sex. That means that everything you do–all the sweet and romantic things you give away–has an ulterior motive that will lead toward the bedroom.
True love is different. People in love value moments and experiences they share, even if they are mundane and boring to most.
- Lust tends to focus on physical attraction
When you’re in lust, you have this mindset that looking good is paramount. As a result, you dress to the nines, you try really hard to keep in shape, and step out of your house looking like you jumped out of a centerfold. Why you ask? Because you want sex. For people in lust, looking their best is the way to remain attractive to the other person.
Love, on the other hand, doesn’t care if you go out wearing your old college shirt or a pair of daddy trousers. For people in love, it is the person inside the clothes who truly matters.
- You live in a fairy tale world where the other person is flawless
Being in lust dulls your judgment because you tend to idealize both yourself and your partner. While it is normal to put your best foot forward to make an impression, a more stable relationship requires you to put all your cards on the table so that the other person can know who you truly are—be it good or bad.
If you’re in lust, you tend to put up the facade of a person whom your partner idealizes. And likewise, you tend to look past the other person’s negative characteristics and focus only on the qualities that fit your fantasy.
- You did not have a “friendship “stage
Most people in romantic relationships started out as friends. People who skipped the whole friendship ordeal and brought it straight to bed *yes, it happens* could just be in lust. Friendship is the stepping stone to a deeper relationship, as it tests your compatibility, allows you to get to know each other, and even takes you to difficult moments where you can come out stronger. This type of relationship becomes the foundation of romantic love.
6. You’re insecure about your secrets and problems
When you’re in love, you rarely keep your problems from your partner and you trust them with your deepest secrets. You are comfortable with telling them anything without fear of being judged. Being in lust, on the other hand, you are insecure about telling them your problems because let’s admit it: the trust between the two of you is superficial and you feel that giving them further information about yourself makes you too vulnerable.
- There’s little intimacy in lust
While the two of you may spend most of your waking moments having sex, it does not automatically mean that you have achieved intimacy in your relationship. Intimacy doesn’t always mean having sex. Intimacy is being able to let your guard down and having complete trust in your significant other. When you are truly in love, you are at ease when you’re together and you find yourself emotionally invested.
- You don’t feel committed
People in lust feel little or no commitment in their relationships. Lust can fizzle out quickly. A relationship based on lust alone can end as soon as you find the next person who captures your desire.
Love, on the other hand, is more enduring—even in the lust-less moments of the relationship. As the saying goes, “Vaginas and penises are all the same, it’s the person connected to it that you fall in love with.